Tag Archives: spiritual life

Say Yes!

New moon today and Emily warms to her theme.

#387, c. 1862

The Sweetest Heresy received
That Man and Woman know —
Each Other’s Convert —
Though the Faith accommodate but Two —

The Churches are so frequent —
The Ritual — so small —
The Grace so unavoidable —
To fail — is Infidel —

Uncanny Emily is on a roll toward heresy. She’s been hinting at it for days. Here she comes right out and says it. The progression began with liberating the individual self from family, society, church. All these actions are violent. That sort of violence that only Emily can perpetrate. A soft massacre of suns. She shatters the canon of received wisdom. What does it mean to live a good life? Obedience and faith to the god within. The temple of her body. Reading the scripture of her own writing.

Then here she takes one more step in the development of her heresy. She opens the doors of her religion to one other person. Here she allows that true faith may not be a meticulously sealed practice by one. But a belief that enfolds two. That is grace. The miracle of that mutual understanding, and acceptance of something so delicate as a shared belief. When both say, “yes.” Truly, it is a miracle when two say “yes” to the same thing. The ritual that consecrates this faith is a simple embrace, which is the recognition of the other as a like-minded pilgrim.

To fail at this embrace, to turn away, hesitate, or reject, is the real breach of faith. To fall short of this sweet heresy is the greatest sin of all. Or so says Emily.

Then you wonder why the spiritual landscape that Emily normally walks must be hers alone. She had to create it on her own, tailor-made for her spirit because her nature abhors the crowds and the imposition of beliefs that are not her own invention.  Her creativity is so powerful, it eclipses any contrived notion of spirit whose source lies outside her direct experience of herself.  Emily doesn’t need anyone to tell her the truth.  She knows it like her own droughtless wells.

So this move toward a church of two gives me pause.  Why is this necessary for her?  One possible answer lies here.  There is no country more dangerous than another person.  No possibility more uncertain. So if the purposive action of faith is to shape our lives in a manner consistent with God’s best hopes for us, then faith doesn’t fulfill its potential until it ignites a meaningful and mutual connection with another person.  This is the only way to move the gift of faith beyond the boundaries of the self-created world.  The only way to shape the world according to faith is to find it in another.

(I can’t help but hear the strains of that song:  “Wherever two or more are gathered in my name, there is love.”  It originated with Matthew of course, but then Peter, Paul and Mary had to make it into a wedding song.  Arrrgh!  I hate it when I can’t get corny songs out of my way.  Why does it have to be?  Why “two or more”?  Emily would say:  No two is enough.  More than two, you’ve a church, and then you’re on the road to perdition.)

To continue:  The movement of faith beyond the boundary of self is terrifying.  Because it might not work.  Other people may or may not have the same best hopes.  That’s why they call it a leap of faith.  It always flies blind.  If you know the outcome before the leap, then it doesn’t count as faith.  God’s best hope for us is that we’ll keep acting as though He is real, even without a safe guarantee. Safety is just a cover for complacency. The potential for failure keeps us awake and honest.

I can understand why Emily would prefer her own society over any other.  It’s so much cleaner and more orderly that way.  Yet here she is—brave Emily— calling for that effortless grace that enfolds two who believe the same thing.  She believes that is possible.  At least in poems.

All this talk of miracles as we move toward the Winter Solstice is interesting. Heading for a long night illuminated by a single light. Looking forward to it.

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Pigs and Poets

Sorry so absent from the page. But I actually had work to do. I know. Incredible. My plan is to continue through the Winter Solstice, break for the holidays, and then reorganize my purpose for this writing in the New Year.

Meanwhile I want to continue what Emily began in the last post. This time, not so Saints focused (although the bless you boys are ever in the periphery of my thoughts these days . . . )

#677, c. 1863

To be alive — is Power —
Existence — in itself —
Without a further function —
Omnipotence — Enough —

To be alive — and Will!
‘Tis able as a God —
The Maker — of Ourselves — be what —
Such being Finitude!

This makes me think of how much of ourselves functions without our conscious effort. The aging process, or the process by which bad cells are disposed by our immune system. Or the way our liver and kidney filter out the harmful garbage from our bodies. Or the way that our lungs move oxygen from the air into our bloodstream. That alone is miraculous. The transubstantiation of the flesh. To move certain properties from a gas into liquid so that our brains can perform the ten million lightning quick tasks that are required for me to get the cup of coffee from the kitchen to the table and then to my lips.

Who needs church when I can sit in my own living room and make myself aware of the vast constellation of miracles that are happening right now inside my skin, as I move this pen across the page. Look at that! Symbols with meaning!

What I like about Emily’s poem—once again—is her bold heresy when she writes “a God”. The insertion of that mild-mannered indefinite article before God makes that statement heretical in her context. It also occurs to me that she probably didn’t have many people to share her ideas about the solitary human as the equivalent of a God. Most of her community probably were afraid of what she was thinking, I imagine. And did that make her unwilling to speak any of it out loud? Or simply unwilling to allow any of it to be published? She must have known that none or few of her contemporaries were ready to hear any of this. Maybe Emerson could get away with it because he wore pants. But I’ll bet no one was ready to see or hear an iconoclast in white lace.

(Furthermore, I’m sure no one had the courage to admit to the intellectual failure that left them incapable of separating a person’s words from the contents of her underclothes.)

I imagine that she kept the work to herself to protect the poems themselves. Not because these were so frail. But because they would have so frightened contemporary readers. More to the point, she was protecting everyone else from what her poems might have done. Cracked them wide open. Why start trouble if you don’t have to? That was Emily’s way.

Yesterday was my father’s birthday. He is 78 years old. When I called to wish him a happy birthday, he told me he had just come home from a poetry reading. Retired surgeon. Hyper-rationalist. Go figure. When I was in school, my father told me, “Pigs and poets are best appreciated after they’re dead.” Thirty years and one major stroke later, his brain is half gone, but he’s a big poetry guy now. His friend, a fellow retired doctor, wrote a poem about my dad, actually. They have a poetry club together, reading, writing, talking. Another miraculous transformation.

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Skin of Our Teeth

My mind and heart are still reeling from yesterday’s game against the Redskins. The Saints won it in over time after wallowing in a 10-point deficit until the last minute, forty-two seconds. Our defense was soft as a feather pillow. And the coverage on Colston was ridiculous. They treated him like bomb that was about to explode, which of course he is. We made mistakes, but then the other team made mistakes too. “The Bless You Boys” did not freak out over their own mistakes and just played the game. Throw the ball, catch the ball, carry the ball. Chop wood. Carry water. Brees and his zen mastery kept everyone focused.

Still it was an object lesson for us all. It’ll sound so hokey when you say it out loud, and that’s the problem with wisdom such as this. You can talk about it all you want, but until you receive a vivid, concrete object lesson, conducted in real time with solid bodies moving through space the words don’t sink in. Even then, you may have to receive more than one object lesson before you get it.

The lesson is this: Every failure is an opportunity. If you respond to your own failures by curling around the wound like a hard-back beetle to protect yourself from humiliation, then you create a cascade of reinforcing failures. Defense against failure breeds more failure. The only constructive response to failure is to open to it and treat it as a doorway to a greater sense of your own power. And you have to really really mean it when you do that. You can’t fake it. You have to get your mind right before you can see the words manifested in real time outside your mind. Too many of us mouth the wisdom without deep conviction. It takes a profoundly softened ego—the feminine securely married to the masculine—to release the beetled defense against failure. So when Drew Brees says losing is an opportunity to start a new winning streak, he really really means it. This is not some jibber-jabber he spouts for the reporters. He is a true pilgrim in that sense. His discipline begins between his ears, long before we see it on the field.

Finally, if the New Orleans Saints—historically the most pathetic loser dogs of the NFL, a name synonymous with failure, a broke-back terrible team, consistently a disappointment to those who love them best—if the Saints can pull their collective head out of their metaphorical ass like this, then none of us has any excuse not to do the same.

Wise Emily sent the following message to the Saints:

#677, c. 1863

To be alive — is Power —
Existence — in itself —
Without a further function —
Omnipotence — Enough —

To be alive — and Will!
‘Tis able as a God —
The Maker — of Ourselves — be what —
Such being Finitude!

There is more to say on this anon.

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