Tag Archives: poetry

Happiness Level Eight

Last night over dinner, Geoff required that I assess my happiness level—on a scale of one to ten—over the Saints’ victory against the Cardinals on Saturday, the NFC championship game. We agreed that giving it a ten was too much, as a rating of ten signifies absolute Nirvana, merging with the Universe in a state of such pure ecstasy that I leave my body. We’re not there yet. Working backwards from that, we’d have to say that assessing my happiness level at a nine has to be saved for when (if?) they make it to the Superbowl. So we settled on scoring my happiness at level eight. That seemed reasonable. Then I wondered: Why do men always have to quantify things? Scores, yardage, happiness levels? They’re obsessed with math. It’s unwholesome.

My contribution to the mathematics of the current season of miracles was to point out that Drew Brees’ birthday was January 15th, right smack on that solar eclipse. As a Capricorn native, he also has Pluto transiting his sun, so this is a period of sublime transformation and self-mastery for him.

When I first saw Brees I dismissed him as a Dudley-Do-Right. Too sweet, too clean, too good to be true. Not interesting. Since then, I have seen a real animalistic quality erupting out of him. He is exciting when he gets his back up. (Always dissed for being short, Brees more than makes up for the lack of height with an abundance of grit.) Often when he runs, he looks like an Angry Dad. This is not the self-indulgent, Prima Donna Quarterback hissy fits. No, Drew Brees is the Angry Dad, coming on the field to say: “None of us is going to do well if you keep screwing up like that.” It’s the non-egoistic, all-Capricorn sense of duty and responsibility and enforcing the law within the family for the good of all concerned. A leader you can trust.

Add to that Jupiter, the planet of expansion, abundance, great achievements—just moved into Pisces. This is very nice for Piscean Reggie Bush, speaking of which . . . Reggie Bush! Goodness gracious! Talk about the Drama of the Gifted Child! Finally, the most expensive, narcissistically wounded and over-anticipated player is emerging from the weight of too-high expectations and running forward instead of backward. We were very pleased with Reggie on Saturday.

So I believe the signs favor the Bless You Boys. I’m not looking into Brett Favre’s chart because I don’t want to know. I’ll only confuse myself with too much information. Focus, focus, focus! We just need to get past this Sunday . . . and then maybe a nine on the scale? Don’t think . . . focus.

Emily sends a poem today, but I’ll be damned if I can see how it connects with anything else on my mind.

#547, c. 1862

I’ve seen a Dying Eye
Run round and round a Room —
In search of Something — as it seemed —
Then Cloudier become —
And then — obscure with Fog —
And then — be soldered down
Without disclosing what it be
‘Twer blessed to have seen —

Em is still working with the matters of sight and darkness. She will be for a while. Psyche’s journey is not yet complete. Here Emily tells us the dead don’t give up what they know. Or what they seek. They possess a vision sharpened by urgency as life slips away. So they can “see” things no one else can. Emily has seen them seeing. The only problem is the dead and the living may only glimpse each other over this line. At first the poem suggests a vain search, clouded, fruitless. But then the one who searches ends with a blessing. The dying one found what he or she was looking for but can’t tell Emily. One approaches that doorway alone. Peering through may reveal some insight but nothing that anyone else may know or see.

Only the dead know what they know. Their journey is solitary. Emily can see that much, but even the poet with her enhanced vision can’t cross over that line with someone else. It’s a vision that benefits only the seer and can never be translated.

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The Sun Winks Out

Two weeks ago we had a lunar eclipse. So today we have the attending solar eclipse. This time the sun, moon, mercury, venus and pluto—all pile up in Capricorn. Hoo boy, that’s dense. It’ll take some time to dig out from under this pile of earth.

During a solar eclipse the sun goes dark in the day. The light winks out. We have to accept this unnatural darkness, and do our best before the sun returns.

Emily must have been eavesdropping on the Cupid and Psyche workshop. Here is her response.

#611, c. 1862

I see thee better — in the Dark —
I do not need a Light —
The Love of Thee — a Prism be —
Excelling Violet —

I see thee better for the Years
That hunch themselves between —
The Miner’s Lamp — sufficient be —
To nullify the Mine —

And in the Grave — I see Thee best —
Its little Panels be
Aglow — All ruddy — with the Light
I held so high, for Thee —

What need of Day —
To Those whose Dark — hath so — surpassing Sun —
It deem it be — Continually —
At the Meridian?

The poet’s sight grows sharper in the darkness behind her eyes. Her ability to “see”— that is through the prism of memory and imagination— holds the loved one forever at the meridian, or the highest point reached by a heavenly body. Emily’s love flourishes in the dark of unconscious, for it exists below thought or beyond rational justification. Like the ground of being, this love doesn’t answer questions or assume a shape in the light. It will never make sense.

This vision of love is more “true” than the prosaic reality exposed by common daylight. Only refracted light opens to reveal the true colors inside, the rays following a bending pathway that points toward this love, or truth, or simply what is. “Art is the lie that tells the truth.” Or so I’ve heard.

We can forgive Psyche her vulgar curiosity. She pushes us toward seeing the thing before us that may not match the thing that lies in the dark behind our eyes. Even when it shocks, we grow from this inquiry. That disturbance helps us make our way in the dark. Now at least we know what is there. We can navigate better. The paradox in this veil of darkness is that it shows us more after Psyche’s journey.

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Goalless Road

I can’t think about anything but Haiti right now. The images of all those people standing around waiting for help. Asking for clean water. The motionless bodies. Brings up too many bad flashbacks.

Emily sends word.

#477, 1862

No Man can compass a Despair —
As round a Goalless Road
No faster than a Mile at once
The Traveller proceed —

Unconscious of the Width —
Unconscious that the Sun
Be setting on His progress —
So accurate the One

At estimating Pain —
Whose own — has just begun —
His ignorance — the Angel
That pilot Him along —

I wish them angels of mercy. I’m too sad to write anything else.

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