Most Quiet Turning Point

The Saints lost to the Cowboys last weekend. I knew it couldn’t continue forever. Still it stung. Perhaps it’s for the best. Now, we see that the Saints have feet of clay, after all. Still a model for us.

Today’s poem is here:

#563, c. 1862

I could not prove the Years had feet —
Yet confident they run
Am I, from symptoms that are past
And Series that are done —

I find my feet have further Goals —
I smile upon the Aims
That felt so ample — Yesterday —
Today’s — have vaster claims —

I do not doubt the self I was
Was competent to me —
But something awkward in the fit —
Proves that — outgrown — I see —

This poem arrived by random chance for the Winter Solstice. It’s the longest night of the year. Greatest spell of darkness before the smallest splinter of a move toward greater light. At first the change is a matter of a few minutes. Infinitesimal, but the shift is real and lasting. This night marks the most quiet turning point.

Here at the end of the year, Emily grows up and beyond even herself now. She graduated from family, society and church. That left only her self-created constraints to face, which she gently conquers. What a relief to know we don’t have to stick with the decisions that made sense last year. That when we notice something doesn’t fit the person we are now, we are allowed to choose differently. Every time, with each new step and new year, we have the power to choose the thing that better suits our larger self.

This poem seems a fitting close to my project and the year for that matter. I’ll be visiting with nephews over the next week. After that . . . not sure. Emily will be here, but as for me, we’ll have to see.

Have a cool Yule, y’all.

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Sharpest Knife In the Drawer

Are some things better left unsaid? Emily isn’t saying “yes” or “no”. But she does have something to say about the sheer power of words. In particular the words uttered by a woman.

#479, c. 1862

She dealt her pretty words like Blades —
How glittering they shone —
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone —

She never deemed — she hurt —
That — is not Steel’s Affair —
A vulgar grimace in the Flesh —
How ill the Creatures bear —

To Ache is human — not polite —
The Film upon the eye
Mortality’s old Custom —
Just locking up — to Die.

A woman with a mouth on her is just about the most dangerous thing in the world. Isn’t that right? If she controls the words, she controls everything. Steer clear. Run and hide! She will flay you right open.

(It’s been said many times that the thing women fear the most from men is that men will kill them. The thing the men fear the most from women is that women will laugh at them. Which is, of course, a fate worse than death.)

A woman has to be careful with her words, as if she carries a razor-sharp switchblade in her purse. The trouble is that when you’re really good at something, it’s hard to remember to be responsible and compassionate with your talent. That’s like asking the sharpest knife in the drawer not to do what it was born and cultivated to do: Cut.

For example, let’s say you do carry around the verbal equivalent of a razor-sharp switchblade in your purse. It would be really hard not to use it because it’s right there, after all. Easy to get to. Enormous power to cause absolute ruin in one small movement on the blade. You change everything by using your own extraordinary talent, even to its most destructive ends. That way you can know your power. It’s exhilarating. You’d have to be a saint to resist that temptation. Who among us can really say we are saintly? At most we can only hope to imitate the saints.

My take on Emily’s thrust here is to observe that women will use what they have. It’s a mistake to insist that they must deploy their power with more compassion than anyone else. They will do what they do, and use the talents they possess. That’s only natural.

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Say Yes!

New moon today and Emily warms to her theme.

#387, c. 1862

The Sweetest Heresy received
That Man and Woman know —
Each Other’s Convert —
Though the Faith accommodate but Two —

The Churches are so frequent —
The Ritual — so small —
The Grace so unavoidable —
To fail — is Infidel —

Uncanny Emily is on a roll toward heresy. She’s been hinting at it for days. Here she comes right out and says it. The progression began with liberating the individual self from family, society, church. All these actions are violent. That sort of violence that only Emily can perpetrate. A soft massacre of suns. She shatters the canon of received wisdom. What does it mean to live a good life? Obedience and faith to the god within. The temple of her body. Reading the scripture of her own writing.

Then here she takes one more step in the development of her heresy. She opens the doors of her religion to one other person. Here she allows that true faith may not be a meticulously sealed practice by one. But a belief that enfolds two. That is grace. The miracle of that mutual understanding, and acceptance of something so delicate as a shared belief. When both say, “yes.” Truly, it is a miracle when two say “yes” to the same thing. The ritual that consecrates this faith is a simple embrace, which is the recognition of the other as a like-minded pilgrim.

To fail at this embrace, to turn away, hesitate, or reject, is the real breach of faith. To fall short of this sweet heresy is the greatest sin of all. Or so says Emily.

Then you wonder why the spiritual landscape that Emily normally walks must be hers alone. She had to create it on her own, tailor-made for her spirit because her nature abhors the crowds and the imposition of beliefs that are not her own invention.  Her creativity is so powerful, it eclipses any contrived notion of spirit whose source lies outside her direct experience of herself.  Emily doesn’t need anyone to tell her the truth.  She knows it like her own droughtless wells.

So this move toward a church of two gives me pause.  Why is this necessary for her?  One possible answer lies here.  There is no country more dangerous than another person.  No possibility more uncertain. So if the purposive action of faith is to shape our lives in a manner consistent with God’s best hopes for us, then faith doesn’t fulfill its potential until it ignites a meaningful and mutual connection with another person.  This is the only way to move the gift of faith beyond the boundaries of the self-created world.  The only way to shape the world according to faith is to find it in another.

(I can’t help but hear the strains of that song:  “Wherever two or more are gathered in my name, there is love.”  It originated with Matthew of course, but then Peter, Paul and Mary had to make it into a wedding song.  Arrrgh!  I hate it when I can’t get corny songs out of my way.  Why does it have to be?  Why “two or more”?  Emily would say:  No two is enough.  More than two, you’ve a church, and then you’re on the road to perdition.)

To continue:  The movement of faith beyond the boundary of self is terrifying.  Because it might not work.  Other people may or may not have the same best hopes.  That’s why they call it a leap of faith.  It always flies blind.  If you know the outcome before the leap, then it doesn’t count as faith.  God’s best hope for us is that we’ll keep acting as though He is real, even without a safe guarantee. Safety is just a cover for complacency. The potential for failure keeps us awake and honest.

I can understand why Emily would prefer her own society over any other.  It’s so much cleaner and more orderly that way.  Yet here she is—brave Emily— calling for that effortless grace that enfolds two who believe the same thing.  She believes that is possible.  At least in poems.

All this talk of miracles as we move toward the Winter Solstice is interesting. Heading for a long night illuminated by a single light. Looking forward to it.

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